From Buddha

This is an email that I sent to Danny and Heather this afternoon. I send them emails from Buddha on a pretty regular basis because I think it is funnier than just writing to tell them their puppy is a jerk.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Cousin Grif and I just really don’t enjoy the confines of a fenced in yard. It is incredibly difficult to feel the wind in our hair and stretch our legs in such a small area. When a puppy gets to a certain age, he needs to spread his wings and fly, or well, at least be able to feel the sun on his back while he explores the world.

That being said, we don’t mind the fenced in yard of our across-the-alley/ kitty-corner neighbor’s yard. That fence is okay, so we hopped out of our yard (using the snow bank) and then, again using a snow bank, hopped INTO her yard. It looks like a really nice place so we continued our journey up the stairs and onto her deck, peeking into her sliding glass patio door, noses making marks on the window in as we inquired about dinner.

Olivia told on us like always and Natalie went running out the door like a crazy woman, dog hair covered sweatshirt, lime green polka dot pj pants and that crazy look she gets in her eyes when she’s hunting dogs- her hair was doing a goofy sticking up thing too, but she wasn’t aware of that until later. Realizing we were INSIDE the fence, she started doing that whisper/yell thing, trying to get us to come to her so she didn’t have to go onto the deck, at risk of being pepper sprayed or arrested for attempted B&E. Naturally we wouldn’t listen and so she had to tip toe onto the deck and then wrestle both of us, whisper/yelling and trying not to swear as all the lights in the house were on and clearly the neighbor was home (and probably watching said spectacle from the kitchen table, although not visible through the window).

Natalie managed to catch Griffin, as a new part of his foot is now bleeding and he was leaving giant bloody paw prints everywhere and was slower than Super Puppy (my new nickname for myself- catchy, huh?). She managed to get Griffin outside the fence and so I ran down the stairs after them. Not to actually go with them, but to do a victory lap or two around the backyard. At that point, the neighbor came out to watch all of this. She’s incredibly friendly and good natured, considering the ruckus, and I took her laughing to mean that I should continue to sprint and run, making Natalie look as ridiculous as possible. Eventually she convinced both of us to follow her back to the yard and now we are all inside, exhausted from the fun.

She wanted me to email you and pass along a message, something about how I’m “verging on death”, whatever that means. I personally think she looks like she’s about to have a stroke or possibly go completely insane, so I think you should probably be more worried about her. I feel refreshed and empowered after a lovely afternoon of meeting a new friend and finding a new place to hang out.

See ya tonight!

Love, your favorite puppy,

B-Money

aka Buddha